Tuesday, 20 November 2012

Unsupported Devices.

Mouse sized. Click for human size.

Welcome good Sir Knight.
Take a seat. Have a haunch.

I'm going to let you in on a little royal secret today.

In my spare time I like to moonlight as a common IT support worker.
It's kind of like Undercover Boss, except that there aren't any cameras and it's really dull.
Also, no-one gets rich at the end of it.

Basically I have a job and I may or may not put a crown on when I go home.

In this job that I do, I set up a lot of wireless connections.
I am, like, super pro at this.
You should see me go.
It's amazing.

Some devices however do not have the range of security settings needed to connect to the network we have.
These are the Unsupported Devices, and connecting them is beyond even my awesome power.
It cannot be helped.
It's this thing you have here.
The sentence "It connects to my wireless at home" means nothing to me.
You do however have my deepest sympathies.

A few years ago, even iPhones couldn't connect.
You have no idea the joy I took in telling people that their brand-new crystal dream-biscuit wasn't up to it.
Don't worry. Nowadays everyone's phones can connect.
Except mine, so that's probably some kind of karma.

Hey, speaking of wireless - and terminators too I guess - did anyone ever watch that Sarah Connor Chronicles show?
I didn't hate it. Then again, I didn't watch much of it either, so that probably shows how much I liked it.

Anyway, I saw this one episode where they had captured a terminator's, um, brain-chip or something.
So they plug it into a laptop in order to steal its robot secrets.
What does the terminator brain-chip do?
It goes straight for the wireless of course, and starts sending evil robot signals to the other robots.
I think.
That or browsing for sexy mechano-ladies.

The whole time it was happening all I could think was, what the hell are you doing plugging the robo-brain into a wireless enabled device?!
Are you mad?
What did you think would happen?
Exactly what happened, that's what would happen!
Then it did happen!

You've lost your touch, John Connor? You used to be such a leet hacker when you were younger.
Where's your "easy money" now, huh?

This is the kind of trouble you can run into when you don't understand your computer well enough.
Remember that kids.
Know your devices. Avoid hijack by robot brain-chips.

Calling for more haunch, also mead,
~King Longburns.

Thursday, 1 November 2012

Guilds! Guilds everywhere! Also cats.

Clicky for biggy.

Greetings Earthlings,

This is your King here, taking a break from playing too much Guild Wars 2.
If you haven't played it, it's basically a prettier World of Warcraft with a heavy emphasis on exploring and jumping puzzles.

They've also done their best to avoid the obvious fantasy races, which is fun.
It does make it harder to relate to the world initially. A lot of fantasy games use the standard fantasy races - Dwarves, Orcs, Elves etc. - which might not seem all that original, but you immediately know what to expect from them, more or less.

Guild Wars doesn't have that to rely on, so it's been a bit harder to get my head around the 'lore'.
Something about dragons I think.
I have, however, been spending just about all of my free time trying to figure it out.
That's my excuse anyway.

Oh, and two out of the five playable races are cat people (hence the comic).
Just sayin'.

In other news around the Kingdom, I've been breeding cows for my cow-tapault.
It's not a very deadly weapon, I will admit.
It's more for demoralization purposes.
For that it works wonders.

Here for your taxes,
~King Longburns.

P.S. I finally got to the top of that god damn clock-tower. Mad king can go fuck himself.
Here endeth the Guild Wars 2 related comments.

Thursday, 27 September 2012

Not quite a crazy cat person, but I'm working on it.

Come in. Take a seat.
Over there. By the peacock.
They're exotic, you know.

Now where was I?
Oh yes.

I have a cat. Her name is Rumbles.
My housemate picked her up from the hardware store where he works.

They don't sell kittens, they just had a stray one hiding under some boxes.

Rumbles is a precious little thing who speaks only to complain and sleeps where she damn well chooses.
Feel free to ride that segue straight into today's comic.

Sleeping locations are selected seemingly at random in Rumbles World.
Sometimes it's the couch. Sometimes it's a table. Sometimes it's a box.
There was two month period where she slept exclusively on or in bags.

This was actually quite impressive.
It could be a shopping bag or a back pack or a suitcase.
Anything really.
As long as an English speaking human would refer to it as a "bag", Rumbles would sleep on it.

But Rumbles isn't an English speaking human.
Rumbles is a cat.

How did she know?!

I had my royal scientists (I'm a very progressive King) work on it, and they concluded that cats are either psychic or magic.
To quote The Shining, I "corrected" them.*

For eyes only,
~King Longburns.

*With an axe. I corrected them with an axe.
Have you people not even seen The Shining?

Don't worry, they're fine.

Saturday, 1 September 2012

The Dark King Rises.

Bane, huh?
He was cool, eh?
With his whole face thing going on, and his scary mask-voice.
It's just as well that they re-dubbed his voice, because he went from sounding like a guy trying to talk through a rolled-up sock to a cross between Darth Vader and some kind of story-telling Santa Clause.
This is the main theme of the comic today.
The mask-voice, I mean.

The other theme is that I really wanted to draw Bane.
Also Batman.

Yes. That's right. We're doing Batman again this week.
This is the last one though, I swear.

I enjoyed Dark Knight Rises, and I thought they did a great job at creating a believable, live action version of Bane.
Let's face it, as much Bane is an intimidating and intelligent character in the comics (or so I'm lead to believe, I haven't actually read them) he does look like some kind of Luchador on magic super-steroids.
For this movie they performed the clever trick of making Bane instantly recognizable without actually looking like his comic counterpart.

The movie Batman and Robin made the mistake of making their version of Bane look just like the comic version, and then also giving him the mental capacity and skin pigmentation of a piece of broccoli.
They also made the mistake of the whole rest of the movie.

~King Longburns.

Friday, 17 August 2012

The Dark King Returns

Ok, so there has been something of a hiatus.
Some laziness was involved. I don't know the full details.
All that matters now is that I'm back at the castle and business in the kingdom can continue as usual.

Also, tell the wizard that if I catch him in my Big Skull Chair again I'm taking his beard.
That thing is a privilege, not a right.
The beard I mean.

Any-hoo, since I've been away for so long I though I'd dedicate my latest comic to my having been away for so long.
Please enjoy, compliments of the house.

I'm experimenting with line thickness here. I may need to experiment some more. Or less.

So why the long absence? Why it's all Batman's fault I tell you.
Well that's not strictly true, but I did draw a 4 page comic in an attempt to win a life-sized statue of Batman off the TV. Oh how hard I worked on that little comic, but to no avail. I didn't even make their top-25 list.
Now, I'm not upset about not winning the big statue, and frankly, a lot of the entries shat all over mine.
However some of them, let's just say, were not super fantastic.
I may possibly have resented the implication that they had done better than I had.
Growing increasingly bitter, I eloped to France.

Ok, so I may be being a little melodramatic there, but you get the idea.
You also get to see the comic too.
You can enjoy it, even if those silly TV people didn't.

I do still like the show however, so if you're in a position to, I recommend you watch Good Game.
They do game reviews and things and are entertaining.
Also, feel free to click here to judge people on my behalf.

I think that about wraps it up.
I have to go now and move a pawn to rook four.
...and by "pawn" I mead "gardener".
...and by "rook four" I mean "banished for trimming the hedges into the shape of dicks".
Yes I'm aware that my original sentence no longer makes any sense.

Dictated but not read or written down so that I had to go and write it myself later anyway.
~King Longburns.

P.S. I did actually go to France.
I was declared their new ruler.

"Chief Drawscomix", as a friend of mine cleverly suggested.