Friday, 29 January 2016

AN old man and the sea, but not THE old man and the sea.

So I went to a wedding recently, and I gave them a life-sized cardboard cut-out of myself as a wedding gift.
It went surprisingly well.
True story.

The Bell of the ball,
~King Longburns.

Friday, 22 January 2016

Worm Love.

So, worm weddings, huh?
I'm actually going to a wedding this very weekend, which should be fun.
Are weddings meant to be "fun"? I'm not sure actually.
I've been to weddings before, and I'm not sure that fun was actually the goal.
That's ok, it can be a side-effect.

I have organized an extra special wedding gift, but I can't say what it is, because it's a surprise.
I can say, however, that it is beautiful in its ridiculousness, and will hopefully be well received.
I'll try to get some photos to show off next week.
*winking smiley face*

I also bought a nice new suit for the wedding.
Well, I say suit, but really I bought a suit, tie, belt, shoes, tie-pin, and pocket handkerchief.
I went all out really, or at least, I let the guy in the suit store go all out.
I'm really glad that that 30% discount popped up on their system just as it was all being paid for.
Saved me two hundred dollars.

Looking fucking fantastic,
~King Longburns.

Friday, 15 January 2016

Hashtag Just Bat Problems.

Hello all.

I like to think that, originally, bats were jealous of birds. That they were near some other animals who were impressed by birds flying around, and the bats said,

"Pfft. Stupid birds. I could do that.
Only my way of flying will be way better than those stupid birds.
I'll show you.
Stupid birds"

Then, a couple of million years later, it turns out that, no, their way of flying isn't better. It's kind of awkward. But the bats are going to stick with it anyway because they're far to proud to admit that they were wrong.

Now they only go out at night so that people won't see them with their silly scrotum wings.

Bats are cool.

Same bat time, same bat bat,
~King Longburns.

Friday, 8 January 2016

New Year's Resolutions.

Hello and happy new year to you all!

I would say "I hope your year has been good so far" but it's only just started and it's probably a bit too early to call it just yet, so I'll just say that I hope you've had a good week.

So far this year I have managed to turn superfluous backyard plums into jam.
Also I was back at work this week.
Well, to be honest I largely just witnessed the plums being transformed into jam.
I did stir it a lot though.

Get paid. Make jam.
I'm going to call that a successful year so far.

Generally getting around to it,
~King Longburns.