May contain graphic violins.

Welcome all.
I hope you enjoyed all the festivities.
They were all imaginary, so if you didn't enjoy yourself, you have only yourself to blame.

I imagined those German slap dancers. Man, those guys are something.
Why can't we have more of that on TV.
I would watch that.

I'm tired and I can't think of anything better to talk about,
~King Longburns.

Remember, girls, stay in school.

Good day to you, one and all.
I hope you are well today. I myself am well enough.
Although, I have had enough of this crazy Melbourne weather.
It's been all over the place. At one point yesterday it was sunny and hailing at the same time.
Frankly, that's just rude.

Recently I've been playing a lot of the online side of GTAV, and I have to say that I've been having a grand time.
Of course I didn't really enjoy the first couple of days of failing to connect.
Or the fact that my character disappeared and I had to start again.
Or the fact that everyone seems to shoot me as a reflex response.
Still, I have had many a good time.

If you are looking for something new to try in the game, I must recommend taking a bike ride around the map.
Assuming no-one comes along to shoot you or run you over, you will have a wonderful time.
Some of the sleepy towns you'll ride through are very nice, and the road train of traffic you'll end up leading is pretty good too.
You can also give them all the finger if you like.
This serves no practical purpose.

Living it up in a dingy, smokey little apartment,
~King Longburns.

Socrates himself is particularly missed...

Welcome everyone. You're just in time for a little taste of the History of King Longburns.

Back before I was a pretend King, I majored in Philosophy at university.
My special topic was epistemology, where I found out how not to know that there is a sheep in a field, how to make an imperfect version of the idea of a table,
and why you should always wear sunglasses when exiting a cave for the first time.

I particularly liked ancient Greek philosophy. It's still surprisingly relevant, but it's outdated enough to pick holes in, which is a special hobby of mine.
Magic gold blood indeed.
Also, I get to imagine people wearing togas, so it gets bonus points for that.

One of the best things I ever read was Plato's Cave allegory. You should check it out. Zach Weiner of S.M.B.C. did a comic on it. You should look at that too.
The guy is a machine gun of comics. I don't know how he does it.
He's much better than I am and I am jealous, but in a good way.

The comic this week is based on Socratic Dialogues, which are well worth reading.
Spoiler alert: Socrates wins.

Looking for the idea of a table in an Ikea catalogue,
~King Longburns.

The Pharaoh always plans for the future.

Greetings all. How are you?
I'm doing well. The Kingdom is looking nice and everyone is having a good time.
Except the serfs, who stubbornly refuse to enjoy themselves.
Frankly, it's verging on treason.

I have still been playing a whole lot of GTA V this week, and it's been a hoot.
I took a break from the main story for a while and had myself an epic adventure.
I highly recommend doing this if you haven't already.
My adventure started with a little boating trip, and by the end of it I had climbed mountains, tumbled down rapids, ridden trains and dodged mountain lions.

Speaking of which, I wanted to take a trek up to the yoga spot on the top of the mountain,
and as went I had to keep an eye out for mountain lions, because they are deadly.
I started to joke that maybe the yoga spot was actually a trap set by the lions to catch yoga enthusiasts,
and wouldn't you know it, when I got there there was a mountain lion waiting for me.
The crafty bastards.

The comic this week has nothing to do with GTA, but I was in an exotic kind of a mood, so I thought we should go somewhere nice for a change.

Trying to convince the people that I'm a God-King,
~King Longburns.