Indecent Proposal.

As romantic as this may seem, I don't think I would recommend it.
You might end up with a diamond stuck up your bum.
It doesn't sound comfortable.

Plus, what if they say no?
The rest of the examination would be really awkward.


The movie Indecent Proposal was OK,
~King Longburns.

Alternative Children's Classics.

I'm working on my night colouring.
Ooo. "Night Colouring".
That sounds like it could be a cool band-name.

"...And now, from Chicago... NIGHT COLOURING!!"

...

No.
No, I was wrong.

Not in a band, and for good reason,
~King Longburns.

Your Python is Evolving.

You kids and your Pokemon Going,

Back in my day you couldn't get lost playing Pokemon outside at night because Gameboys weren't back-lit and you couldn't see what you were doing without a light source.

We had to pay a man for the privilege of even trying to see an Exeggcute, only to have it run away.

The graphics were so simple, you just had to imagine what colour the Pokemon were, because they were all made up of seven different shades of green.

And you try and tell the young people of today that, and they won't believe you.

Living in a rolled up newspaper in a septic tank,
~King Longburns.

And the Award Goes To...

There's something new on the streets this week, causing gangs of youths to descend on our neighborhoods.
That's right. As if by the work of some insane genius, the world has suddenly been gripped by Pokemon Fever!!
The symptoms include:
-Going outside.
-Meeting new people.
-Visiting the sites in your local area.
Make sure you protect yourself and your family from this terrible evil!

I myself have managed to (largely) avoid this affliction by having an old phone with buttons that won't run it.

In unrelated news, I am getting myself a new phone so that I can play Pokemon.
Wait a minute. That wasn't unrelated at all.

Making serious plans to take over the local park,
~King Longburns.

Duck and Cover, Under the Covers.

Today's comic is neither for nor against gay people.
It is pro-earthquakes.

Standing in a doorway,
~King Longburns.

"M.C. Escher is my fa-vo-rite MC."

I did the required research for this comic, and I can assure you that the likeness to the real M.C. Escher is pretty damn good.
Or, at the very least, "Oh yeah, I can see that".

Because, as we all know, if there's anything that's important for humour, it's making sure that M.C. Escher kinda looks like M.C. Escher.

I can also assure you that M.C. Escher had a cool hair-do that's fun to draw.
Thanks, M.C. Escher.

M.C. Escher.

These stairs have to end soon, I've been walking down for hours,
M.C. King Longburns.

P.S. The title of this week's post is a quote from a musician called "Weird Al" Yankovic.
He's a young, up-and-coming artist who shows a lot of promise.
You should check him out.

The Price of War.

For the last few weeks my time has been divided between two things:
Post-surgery care, and Total War: Warhammer. Or as I like to call it, "pre-surgery care".

Those poor soldiers.
Battlefield surgery is the worst.
At least, it is if I have anything to say about it.

Accompanied by a team of old-fashioned saw-bones,
~King Longburns.

Bats Men. Now with more bats.

So, so many bats.

Hello all, and welcome back.
For today's comic I drew tens of thousands of individual bats in a big cloud, coloured them all in one at a time, then I removed lines from them until the cloud looked like it was blending into one entity.
That's really the only way to achieve the desired effect.

It was worth it to be able to use the word portent, even if I refuse to use it correctly.
Who knows though. Maybe there is a correct context to use the plural "portents".
This isn't it though.

In other news, this Saturday I will be celebrating at the second annual King Longburns' Festival of Birthdays. There will be feasting, revelry, and a piñata/incredibly one-sided trial by combat.The result of last year's piñata/incredibly one-sided trial by combat is currently mounted on my kitchen wall.

There will also be photos, and I may post some of these next time.

Until then enjoy the above comic, also do other things, and I encourage you follow and or like my various social-medias.

Strongly encouraging,
~King Longburns.

A tense moment between Kylo Ren and Han Stimpy.

Well, I did it.
I both exhibited at, and survived exhibiting at Supanova.

I wasn't able to post this last week, so this image ended up being exclusive to Supanova for the weekend, but I am now unleashing it on the internet for all to see.

My first convention appearance went pretty well.
The only reason I didn't make a tiny profit is because I overspent like crazy getting everything I needed.
Thanks again to everyone who came by to see my display, and double thanks to everyone who bought something.
It was really great to see people enjoying my work. It really meant a lot.

Also thanks to all my friends and family who came by to show their support. That also meant a lot.
As did the purchases that you made.

I even did a commission drawing for my brother. The request was for me to draw "the inevitable awkwardness you and I would experience after realizing we are 100 feet tall", which I think I managed to capture pretty well:

Well done to everyone who exhibited this year, especially the rest of the Something Collective group, without whom I would not have been able to attend.

Hoping I get to do this again sooner rather than later,
~King Longburns.

Breathe easy.

Firstly I would like to say that I like how Immortan Joe there turned out in this comic, and overall, I did enjoy putting that all together.
Secondly I would like to say that it took a thousand years to draw and colour this comic specifically because of Immortan Joe, and I may or may not ever draw him again.
Still, he's a cool looking character, and I hope I did him justice.

I like it anyway, and in the end, isn't that what's important?

In other news I am still rushing to get ready for Supanova, which is this weekend. Holy hell, people!
I'll be selling prints, as well as stickers, mugs, and possibly even packets of onion seeds (trust me, it'll make more sense on the day).
I also plan to do drawings on request, so you should all stop by and request something.
I will be found at booth 71, which I have subtly marked on the map below for your convenience.

Secretly hoping that I just black out and wake up in a pile of money and success,
~King Longburns.

Getting my Star Wars on.

Today's comic is the first of three that I'm putting together in preparation for my upcoming appearance at Supanova, which I have recently discovered is spelled "Supa" not "Super", so I will now refer to it as such.
Apparently they love their fan-art there, and I'm a bit behind on that kind of thing so I'm catching up.

I figured I'd bust out something a bit classy as it's a special occasion.

If you are headed to the Melbourne Supanova this year (on the 16th and 17th of April, tickets are available online or at the door) you can find me as part of the Something Collective, who will be occupying tables 68, 71, and 101 in the Alley.

Not to be confused with the alley (small a) where kids wag school and smoke cigarettes.
Kids still do that, don't they?

I plan to be busting my moves at table 71, but I encourage everyone to check out the rest of the tables as well. I will post updates if anything changes, and repeat myself ad nauseam if they don't.

By "busting my moves" I of course mean sitting and drawing.
Some traditional move-busting may also be available.

Preparing some fly moves,
~King Longburns.

This ended up being an Easter post by mistake. Still works though.

I didn't originally intend for this to be posted at Easter. That's just when it happened to be done by.
Still, I'm sure that there was some egg laying going on at this farm that day.
Most of it shock induced, I think.
Happy Easter, everyone!

In other news, I will be appearing at Supernova in Melbourne soon on the 16th and 17th of April as an actual exhibitor.
I'll have a table, and prints to buy, and I'll also be doing drawings on request so feel free to test my skills with an odd request.
Like maybe a scythe-wielding farmer harvesting chickens like wheat.
Wait, I already did that one. Pick something else.

It will be a first for me as I've never done this kind of official-type appearance before.
Come and share in this historic occasion.
I'll post more details once I know them.

I apologize to anyone upset by my Easter horror show,
~King Longburns.

Furry Logic.

Oh hai!
So, has anyone seen the movie Cat People?
No, not the 1982 movie of the same name that I've only just found out about now.
I mean the 1942 movie about a woman who turns into a panther.

That movie is not too bad.
It also features exactly zero on-screen transformations of person to cat, or vice versa, due to the complete inability of 1942 film-makers to depict that on screen.
No CG for them.
At best they could have actors pretend to be horrified at what they are witnessing, but the audience isn't.

Has anyone seen the sequel; The Curse of the Cat People?
That movie, despite the title, features exactly zero cat people at all.
It's basically about a girl, daughter of some of the characters from the first film, who makes friends with the ghost of the cat person from the first film, and no-one turns into a cat.

Yeah.

Can't say that that was a great idea for a film to be honest.
I don't know quite what they were thinking.
They should have called it Boring Ghost Who Refuses to be a Cat, or Even Interesting At All.

Sat through that whole damn movie,
~King Longburns.

Every little cup of coffee helps. Donate today.

According to a guy called Paul Kelley from Oxford university, requiring people to be at work before ten o'clock in the morning will leave them sleep deprived, and sleep deprivation is a form of torture, therefore requiring people to be at work before ten o'clock in the morning is torture.

And I'm like "right on, man!"

Also, according to a guy called Paul Kelly, Paul Kelly has done literally every available dumb thing, which, as much as it must suck, is actually quite impressive in its thoroughness.

Guilty of a comparatively modest collection of dumb things,
~King Longburns.

Looking for love in all the wrong places.

I didn't get around to posting a timely Valentine's day comic, so here's a post-valentine's, unvalentine's day comic instead.

Realistically though, if I had posted a Valentine's day comic on Valentine's day, I would probably have made something like this anyway.
Any excuse to draw an armed, grumpy baby.

Recruiting an army of grumpy babies for an adorable little war, all for tax purposes,
~King Longburns.

That new human smell.

Hello all.

I wasn't able to get a comic out last week, but I'm back with a vengeance, and a terrifying grandma.
I would like to assure everyone - especially my grandmother - that this is not in any way based on my grandmother.

If my grandmother does happen to be reading this, I'd just like to say, "Hi Nana! :)"

Currently huffing child youth essence out of a bag,
~King Longburns.

AN old man and the sea, but not THE old man and the sea.

So I went to a wedding recently, and I gave them a life-sized cardboard cut-out of myself as a wedding gift.
It went surprisingly well.
True story.

The Bell of the ball,
~King Longburns.

Worm Love.

So, worm weddings, huh?
I'm actually going to a wedding this very weekend, which should be fun.
Are weddings meant to be "fun"? I'm not sure actually.
I've been to weddings before, and I'm not sure that fun was actually the goal.
That's ok, it can be a side-effect.

I have organized an extra special wedding gift, but I can't say what it is, because it's a surprise.
I can say, however, that it is beautiful in its ridiculousness, and will hopefully be well received.
I'll try to get some photos to show off next week.
*winking smiley face*

I also bought a nice new suit for the wedding.
Well, I say suit, but really I bought a suit, tie, belt, shoes, tie-pin, and pocket handkerchief.
I went all out really, or at least, I let the guy in the suit store go all out.
I'm really glad that that 30% discount popped up on their system just as it was all being paid for.
Saved me two hundred dollars.

Looking fucking fantastic,
~King Longburns.

Hashtag Just Bat Problems.

Hello all.

I like to think that, originally, bats were jealous of birds. That they were near some other animals who were impressed by birds flying around, and the bats said,

"Pfft. Stupid birds. I could do that.
Only my way of flying will be way better than those stupid birds.
I'll show you.
Stupid birds"

Then, a couple of million years later, it turns out that, no, their way of flying isn't better. It's kind of awkward. But the bats are going to stick with it anyway because they're far to proud to admit that they were wrong.

Now they only go out at night so that people won't see them with their silly scrotum wings.

Yeah.
Bats are cool.

Same bat time, same bat bat,
~King Longburns.

New Year's Resolutions.

Hello and happy new year to you all!

I would say "I hope your year has been good so far" but it's only just started and it's probably a bit too early to call it just yet, so I'll just say that I hope you've had a good week.

So far this year I have managed to turn superfluous backyard plums into jam.
Also I was back at work this week.
Well, to be honest I largely just witnessed the plums being transformed into jam.
I did stir it a lot though.

Get paid. Make jam.
I'm going to call that a successful year so far.

Generally getting around to it,
~King Longburns.